I was never fond of starting letters. The "what's up"'s and "how are you"'s are extremely ridiculous in my opinion; they're useless and most people find them rather boring, honestly.
So, let's start out with the facts. I'm known to be extremely blunt, so pardon if you mind my straight-forwardness. We promenaded on the sea floor about... forty-some hours ago, and your scent and that scene are still wavering through my endless thoughts. Everywhere I look, I see you. It's ridiculus and extremely horrible for my school work. I was disciplined a handful of times today, but angry Algebra-loving Cowboy's and men aging with their work are nothing to the thousands of memories -- if you could call a night worth that -- rushing, spinning, launching theirselves at my sore aching heart. It's absolutely ridiculus.
You. I feel like in one night I won you and last you all at once. Is that even possible? That's what I've been repeatively asking myself since... and the crazy thing is: I trust you. More than I've trusted anyone in a long time, and more than I will ever trust myself. I could give you my heart, and know, deep down, that you'd always take care of it. Even if that meant being worlds apart, or staying platonic in any sense by blocking out the memory of being in your arms. Which is, of course, practically impossible at the moment -- blocking out the memory of your arms around me, that is. I believe you have awaken a heart that has long awaited to feel. Oh, here I go again...
I've lost track of the purpose of this letter. It's purpose is not to allow you an inside peep to my soul, but to tell you this: it's okay. I understand. My heart will ache for you, but I understand that yours may not, will not, ever ache back. I understand that your loyalties to him are far greater than those to I. Just know that I am always here. Sure, I may be there in a year, and even there a few years after that, but somehow, I feel like my heart, or at least a large sum of it will always be with you.
I do love him. He chipped away at the ice covering my heart, and for that mere gesture I will always care deeply for him. Sometimes I find myself wondering the "what if"'s that coincide with him and his selfish chocolate eyes, but deep down I know that it will never be -- for I will never be able to give him everything. I want to. Oh, how I want to; I just can't. I try to throw myself at him, hoping I could get that feeling I get when I'm around you, but nothing but sadness is there in the wake. So, instead, I will love him as a friend that will always hold apart of my past.
This, of course, is nothing to you, I fear, and I apologize if I'm scaring you. I don't mean to. I just feel that I've lost you, in more ways than one. Sure, we'll see each other every once in a while, but will we only exchange "hello"'s? I fear this more than the tallest scyscraper, more than the biggest arachnid, and more than I fear the future...which is ridiculus, since it is the future. I want a future...with you.
With you... I'm willing to give everything. I'm willing to let down all of the barriers. I'll climb mountains, jump rivers... I'd even fight for your love, but only if you absolutely needed it. I want to be with you. All I can ask for is a chance, right? That's all I can allow myself to ask. I can hardly hold myself back from this, whereas inside I'm shaking with the fear that you will read this and laugh. You'll probably be disgusted, or amused -- maybe even a bit scared. Just know that I will never hold anything against you.
I couldn't get more blunt than that.
Now, I'll just inform you of this letter, and anxously await your comment... or your ignorance. Either way, this is off my chest that is wrecking havok throughout my mind, body, and soul with these ridiculus thoughts of the future; two different worlds ahead of me -- one with you, one without.